Office Memos
by A for Anarchy
Summary: This is a TM2 AU. If Lisbon had never met Pike...this probably still wouldn't happen...probably. Jisbon all the way!
1. A Supposedly Good Day

**Disclaimer**: Totally not mine. If it were, last night's episode would have ended much differently. Damn you, Bruno Heller!

**Author's Note**: This is a bit of silliness prompted by my sad feelings after the end of the episode last night. It is also a gift to all my lovely readers and reviewers, I'm doing this partially for you (but mostly for me, it's nice to get my ideas out into the open)! :)

* * *

Today, she thought as she walked into work, was going to be a _good_ day. Jane would behave himself, Abbott would give her an assignment out of the office, Fischer wouldn't pry into her 'relationship' with Jane, and Jane would behave himself. The first and last items were the most important in her list. She would not let Jane ruin her potentially good day.

Unfortunately, the air in the FBI bullpen was abuzz; more than one curious look (followed by a furtive whisper to a nearby colleague) was directed towards her as she made her way to her desk. She could feel her good day slipping away with every step.

Jane lay on his couch, for all appearances either in deep sleep or deep thought. Oh well, best to get this over and done now while she still had a few shreds of optimism left.

First, she tried a furtive whisper of her own, "Jane."

There was no response from the blond-haired man in repose.

So, she tried again.

"Jane!"

Still nothing.

Her final attempt was preceded by a loud sigh followed by a solid kick to the couch, "Jane!"

The focus of her ire made a show of coming awake, stretching, yawning, and grinning at her sleepily.

"Morning, Lisbon! What has you in such a foul temper today?"

She cut a glare across the room before returning her gaze to Jane, "Before I walked into this room, Jane, I was having a good day. However, the good day that I was having is now a bad day, one that you will share in unless you tell me why everybody is staring at me. And whispering, I hate it when people whisper about me, Jane."

To her mild dismay, Jane looked disappointed by her question. "You mean you didn't see it?"

"See what, Jane? What on earth should I have seen?"

Jane began muttering to himself, "It was right there for the entire world to see, but no, Teresa Lisbon has tunnel vision in the mornings caused by a lack of coffee and good sex."

She kicked his couch again, this time harder, "What was that, Jane?"

"Nothing," his mutter had turned into a sullen pout. "If you didn't see it, I'm not going to tell you."

Apparently, he thought that their conversation was over because he turned his back to her and drew his jacket over his head.

Confused and angry by the unexpected start to her, and Jane's uncooperative behavior (not good, behavior, in fact it was anti-good behavior), she turned back to her desk. At least she would get her work done if she could not solve the mystery of the stares and whispers.

However, her resolve was shattered when Abbott came out of his office and made a beeline for her desk.

"Agent Lisbon, I have been informed that there is a message waiting for you in the parking lot. Perhaps you should go see it."

She didn't like the smirk on Abbott's face, not one bit. Moreover, the way the rest of the bullpen had fallen silent at Abbott's statement was eerie. Even Cho was staring at her with a strange intensity.

Sighing again, she got up from her desk. "I'll get right on that, sir. Mind if I go for some coffee while I'm out?"

Abbott's smirk grew even wider, "Oh, I'm not sure that you'll want to leave, Agent Lisbon, but if you're in a fetch and carry mood, I'll take a coffee."

She nodded distractedly, and made her way back over to the elevator.

* * *

"Just what message am I supposed to be seeing out here? I swear, if this a wild goose chase I will find a way to make Abbott pay. Jane will help me, probably."

She stood in the FBI parking lot, doing quite a bit of muttering of her own.

"I don't see anything out here but cars, cars, and more cars. Oh, and Jane's Airstr―" Surprise made her choke and swallow the rest of her sentence.

Her surprise soon gave way to incoherent rage, and a shrill scream tore its way out of her throat, "JAAAAAAANE!"

* * *

The buzzing in the office had turned into full-blown conversation by the time that she stormed back into the bullpen.

Agents were almost diving to get out of her way as she practically ran over to Jane's couch.

This time she didn't bother with a kick to the couch; instead, she went straight for his head.

"What the hell is that, Jane," she slapped him on the head, "What the hell is that?!"

"Stop hitting me, woman, you'll never find out if you keep hitting me!"

She stepped back from him, breathing heavily.

"You'd better start explaining pretty quickly, Jane, or else you'll become acquainted with the butt of my Glock!"

Jane looked at her warily, obviously contemplating how much pain his explanation was going to cause him. "I thought it was rather apparent, Lisbon. I don't know that there's a great deal of mystery involved in those words."

She raised her hand to hit him again, but he forestalled her by continuing, "I wanted to surprise you…and I thought it was romantic."

She huffed out a breath at him, the rage in her eyes cooling down to a mere simmer, "There's a time and place, Jane, but the workplace is not one of them. What ever happened to dinner?"

"Meh, dinner is a cliché. You and I are above that, my dear."

She cuffed him on his head, just to get her point across, and then went back to her desk.

"Is that a no?"

"No."

"Is that a yes?"

"No."

His frustration was becoming obvious, "Well, what is it?!"

"Take me to dinner, Jane, and find out."

* * *

**Author's Note**: _Le gasp_, two Author's Notes? How decadent! This is just a PSA to let you know that this will have a short conclusion chapter...shortly. I'll have it up tomorrow...promise.


	2. Well, It Was Alright

**Author's Note**: Here it is folks, the much talked about conclusion (I have delusions of grandeur, I can't help myself) that you've all been waiting for! Let the silliness conclude!

* * *

Mrs. Rigsby heard Mr. Rigsby laughing hysterically in the other room.

"What? What is it?"

Rigsby took several deep breaths before trying to explain, "It's, it's―"

The thought of whatever it was set him off again.

He held out his phone to Grace, convulsing with laughter.

"Oh…oh my, that...that is not what I expected would happen." Grace joined Rigsby in his laughter, albeit slightly more conservatively. "When did Cho send that?"

Rigsby finally calmed enough to answer, "This morning."

"Did he say how Lisbon reacted?"

A snort, followed by an unmanly giggle was his response.

Deciding to take matters into her own hands, Grace thumbed through Rigsby's recent texts.

"Cho says that Lisbon told him to ask her out to dinner. Huh, I thought that she would hit him."

Rigsby began to laugh again, "She did! Cho said that she started hitting him upside his head, and that she also threatened to pistol whip him!"

Grace let out a snort of her own, "Well, he would have deserved it!" She looked again at the picture that Cho had texted.

"Wayne, have I ever told you how happy I am that you asked me the way that you did? That was beyond subtle compared to this."

Rigsby snorted again, "Yeah, I never would have thought that Jane would deface his own vehicle for the sake of romance."

Grace smiled, "Nah, it's Jane. He was born to make silly, yet grand gestures."

They looked at the picture again. This time, they laughed together.

* * *

A thousand miles away, Jane and Lisbon were having their version of a candle-lit dinner.

"But you didn't say no."

"I didn't say yes, either, Jane."

"But you didn't say no, so I'm taking that as a yes and I'm going ring shopping first thing tomorrow."

"For the last time, Jane, it wasn't a 'no answer is a good answer' situation! Would it kill you to spend a bit of time figuring out what I want in all of this?"

Jane was quiet for a moment.

"You want to know what kind of ring I'm getting?"

Lisbon sighed and palmed her face, "Why are you only obtuse when you want to drive me mad?"

"I have no idea what you mean, my dear, I was just asking you a question."

"Oh don't you dare try to play the offended card with me, Jane! You weren't the one who had to suffer through such a humiliating work day!"

Jane looked aghast at her grievance, "I assure you, Lisbon, I was plenty humiliated! You wouldn't say yes, and you wouldn't say no! Fischer gave me pitying looks all day, and Abbott would not wipe that smirk off of his face. I don't think I can bear to show myself in that building for the foreseeable future!"

She snorted in derision, "If anyone is going to take off work, it's going to be me. I might take a few days off, go to a spa, maybe a bar. Meet a man whose only presumption is getting me into his bed..."

Jane's eyes took on a fierce look at her last suggestion. "Oh, I very much doubt that you'll be indulging in that last one, my dear, not when you're going to be my wife!"

"I didn't say yes, Jane."

"But you didn't say no."


End file.
